Die spanning tussen performatiwiteit en meelewing binne die onderwys : 'n outo-etnografiese reis

[摘要] ENGLISH ABSTRACT: The research is about my story as a learning-support teacher and includes the identity growth that I experienced between the period from January 2001 until December 2012. My approach of acceptance and compassion, within the atmosphere of performativity, leads to my writing process and becomes my auto-ethnographic journey. The writing process brings about change, to experience the performative as an action of 'doing' (in Giroux 2000:135) and a way of being within day-to-day situations (in Denzin 2004:273). By recording my experiences within changing spaces, I hope to make a contribution to academic literature, by drawing the reader into my experiences of the forming of my identity and the explication of the writing process as a journey.Writing my introduction to this research at the end of this process, I realise that this research has not only changed my story, but also myself as a person. I struggled to bring the story to a close. This is because I have realised that my story is still changing every day. I am becoming a performative ethonographer (Denzin 2004:262) and I see concrete situations and engage in a conversation with them. And through this writing experience I have registered an enrichment in my experience.My research does not make use of questionnaires or interviews. It is action-research, experienced in everyday things. My story with remembrances was already there before the research, though never told. Ball (1996) refers to this process as identification. This is the process through which I have gone to be seen, as well as the process through which one goes to see oneself, to a specific identity (quoted by Thompson 2004:45).My story begins with questions and reflections about my being different as a white woman, within my context of the two so-called 'Coloured Schools'. Am I carrying a white scar? (Cixous 1998). I have experienced the writing process as a way of coming into knowledge. My research leads to questions, though not necessarily to answers. The writing process leads to my looking through a different lens of gaining a better understanding. Peace. And hope. I am learning – have learnt – that hope is an ontological necessity. There is a necessity to dream, to change, and to better the lives of others (Freire 1998:8 in Denzin 2003:263).My research develops rhizomatically (Honan: 2006; Richardson & Pierre 2005, quoted in Richards 2012:3). It is written in fragments of daily action. It is written in the knowledge of the impossibility of relaying experience as it is or was. As a teller of a story, I emphasise that I do not posit my characters as objects. Rather, they are presented in this research in a relationship of trust, existing between myself and them for a period stretching beyond twelve years. Meaning cannot always be relayed in words. Suggestions of meaning can lie in the relationship between texts (Parsons 2002:32 in Le Roux 2012:xi4).

[发布机构] Stellenbosch University